4/10/2015
It was a ridiculously crazy day. I haven't stop since this morning. This weekend is our CLC at Camp Campbell Gard. I truly love being out here. This is peaceful to me. I miss my kiddos though (they are with my mother). I have so many things to do this weekend: 4 ASSIGNMENTS, My kids' soccer games and pictures, clean my house, and do laundry. Yet, here I am sitting in my bunk at camp. I feel so guilty and selfish. My babies need their mama. I need to get good grades on all of this.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Saturday, April 4, 2015
My Reasons
4/4/15
It is after 3 in the morning. I have too much running through my head. Again. I have thoughts of disappointment, hate, sadness, and so much more. I need to have a place to write this all down and get it off my chest. I don't care if anyone else ever sees it, but I need to "say" it out loud.
Every day I think about all the people I wish loved me: my father, sisters, brothers, my husband didn't even love me. I have very few friends, and those I do have are busy with life. I try my hardest to help others out, but I feel like I am always letting someone down. I can't or won't ask for help for fear of rejection. I don't know what I have done to feel so much hatred. I don't know why I am so unlovable.
I know God is there. I know He cares... I was given two fabulous children. I know my purpose is to raise these kids to be healthy and happy. I could not have asked for better kids. I have a wonderful, beautiful little girl and a smart, ridiculously cute little boy. They make me so proud. They are pretty much the only happiness I have in my life. I do not know what I would do without them. I look at them and do feel pure joy.
I am just tired. Tired of trying and not being happy. Tired of not having the will to take care of myself. Tired of not having any energy. Tired of hating myself.
It is after 3 in the morning. I have too much running through my head. Again. I have thoughts of disappointment, hate, sadness, and so much more. I need to have a place to write this all down and get it off my chest. I don't care if anyone else ever sees it, but I need to "say" it out loud.
Every day I think about all the people I wish loved me: my father, sisters, brothers, my husband didn't even love me. I have very few friends, and those I do have are busy with life. I try my hardest to help others out, but I feel like I am always letting someone down. I can't or won't ask for help for fear of rejection. I don't know what I have done to feel so much hatred. I don't know why I am so unlovable.
I know God is there. I know He cares... I was given two fabulous children. I know my purpose is to raise these kids to be healthy and happy. I could not have asked for better kids. I have a wonderful, beautiful little girl and a smart, ridiculously cute little boy. They make me so proud. They are pretty much the only happiness I have in my life. I do not know what I would do without them. I look at them and do feel pure joy.
I am just tired. Tired of trying and not being happy. Tired of not having the will to take care of myself. Tired of not having any energy. Tired of hating myself.
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