6/2/2015
I have not been as diligent as I would like in writing my thoughts down. I have been having a tremendously hard time.
On April 17, 2015 my Pop passed away. I have never felt pain the way I did on that day. I still cannot believe that I will never see him again. At least not in this lifetime. I cannot explain or describe how much I miss him and how much I hurt. I truly know that he is in a better place and no longer in pain. But, that does not keep me from hurting. I want my daddy to be there when I get home from work. I want to be able to watch stupid TV with him and complain about him flipping channels. I want to hear him call me to tell me he ran out of gas.
I have been feeling stress at work as well. This past week I had an almost intolerable lifeguard class. It was a class of 6 unbearable teenagers. When did teenagers become so self-entitled? They expect everything to be given to them just because they want it. Parents are just giving them what they want. They do not have to work for anything. The parents will attack anyone who does not just hand over what their children want. The kids and they will actually lie in order to ruin a persons reputation if they are not given what they are demand. I am still completely angry about the way I was screamed at by these parents. I told this group of kids that the class was interactive and participation was necessary. They would seriously just stare at me when I asked them something. I would ask them to do a skill in the water and then have to say, "okay, now actually do it". If I corrected them on something, they would just look at me. I was apparently "picking" on one girl. I am 35 years old. Why in the world would I "pick" on a teenager? It does not even make sense.
I am fortunate to have a boss who is willing to have my back. I am so grateful for me being placed at Fairfield.
On top of everything else, I am missing my kiddos terribly. They left me Friday for vacation with their father. They are in Florida doing things I asked to do the entire time we were married. It shows how much he ever cared about me. I would like to say I wish I never met him, but I would not have my babies without him.
I am so tired: emotionally, physically, and mentally. I need a break from reality. For now, on with this drudge of a life.
